No quote today. Not even much to say. The photo spoke to me, though.

So much going on over on the vanilla side of my life there isn’t much time left. Brain constantly figuring out money stuff - what we can spend now, what we need for the move, where we’re gonna be after the move. Wheels spinning over the move and finding a place. Everyone dealing with the stress of being crowded and uncertain of the future. Tryin’ to take care of everyone and deal with my own feelings of resentment, which do pop up occasionally, over never being taken care of myself.

Not that I make doing so easy for anyone.

Little miss self sufficient and all that.

I’d like…
a back rub. Not a massage. Just some rubbies. And hour of petting and soft touches.

I’d like…
snuggles. Legs twined together, hair stroking, forehead kissing snuggles.

I’d like…
To be listened to. To be a part of the conversation instead of doing all the listening. I’d like to vent instead of being the one vented to. I hear all about traffic and car problems and stupid customers. I hear all the “i want’s” and “i’m going to’s”. But no one hears what’s on my mind. No one hears what I want or what I’m going to do. I pretty much feel like no one gives a shit what’s in my head so long as I get the lunch made, the laundry done, the house picked up, the dinner cooked, the dick sucked and the car crash tv on by midnight.

Damn. Now I’m getting aggressively agitated and I didn’t want to do that.

I just…

I have all this “routine” thing going on lately. I’ve imposed most of it on myself because Taylor is working and that means I need to do my part keeping things at home running to a certain standard. I can’t lay around and do nothing while he works. I get an income because of his mom so I feel obliged to do certain things for her, to. Like… be nice, even when I just want to scream and tear my hear out over being stressed. Lol.

But I have no diction that comes from Taylor. I have no guidance. I have no…
I don’t know.

He’s busy at work and he has things on his mind and I’m just… here.

And even with all the stress and the full house and everything else I’m feeling very lonely and non existant and unimportant and uncared for.

I guess when you’re so busy taking care of everyone else they just forget that sometimes you need to be taken care of too.

Fuck it. I’m going to bed. I can’t even say what I mean to say cuz it’s all twisting up in my head.