Someone recently asked me what I find to be such a thrill in being a submissive. I’ve been meaning to answer this and some other questions he asked me for days - but I’ve been having a devil of a time finding the right words.

Mostly because, a lot of times, being a submissive is HARD. It’s not all leather and whips and chains, deviant sex and dirty words. It’s not all soft mushy feelings at being allowed to serve or enjoyment in everything I’m asked to do.

It’s sweat and tears, under appreciated little things that never seem to cease but always seem to be required to keep life moving along smoothly, having to bite your tongue and do the crap you don’t want to do - or rant and rave and bitch and moan and STILL have to do the crap you don’t want to do only now you’ve aggravated him and appear to be an ungrateful, lousy submissive who’s only made his day harder instead of enhancing it. It’s giving and giving and giving some fucking more, all too often not feeling like you’re getting anything in return, and then giving more, until your heart and soul bleed with all the giving - only to have him fall asleep on the couch without seeming to have noticed a bloody fucking thing you’ve done for him all day.

It’s expectations that don’t get met and wants that are nudged to the side without a word because you don’t have the right to complain, because unlike a normal wife or girlfriend you can’t scream at him and expect him to give in and succumb to your tantrum. You’ve allowed him the power over your everyday life, your wants, needs and your damned self and now you’ve got to sleep in the bed you’ve made or you’re chipping away at the very power structure you need to survive in contentment and balance.

It’s HARD and sometimes it sucks and sometimes you cry your damned self to sleep because it’s not a damned fantasy novel and it’s not always what you expected and while you’re soaking your pillow he drifts off into snoring, not really giving a shit and you’re just fucking HATING him because if he cared about you he’d run a hand thru your hair and comfort you, right? Of course, if he did he’d be fucking up the power structure cuz this is what you agreed to and, by god, why is HE responsible for your unrealistic expectations or your misery over having to be what you claim to be? Sometimes he’s not a “Dominant” but just a dick of a man who, after working hard all day and taking care of the other shit he needs to take care of, does not have the patience to deal with some bawling little twit.

And then…
Sometimes he does offer comfort and you realize…
He knows when to do so and when not to.
He knows better than you do how to run your relationship.
You entrusted him with the power and control in your relationship, the power and control over your very life, because you trust him and he deserves it and you NEED it. You need those miserable times just as much as you need the good ones, you need to be reminded that it is not ABOUT you, you need to know your place and being a whining, complaining, miserable brat is NOT it.

So…
The thrill.

The thrill for me is in the power exchange.

I love the play. The leather and whips and ropes and paddles. The pain and the mad, crazy, rough and rowdy fucking. All the dirty words and dirtier deeds. The crawling and kneeling and collars and leashes. The drug-by-the-hair, dicked-stuffed-in-my-mouth, drool-and-tears-encrusting-my-face, treated-like-a-back-alley-whore sheer nastiness of it.

But that’s all so… minor. It’s the frosting, not the cake.

I need that stuff sometimes. But I ALWAYS need the power exchange. I need the feeling of being owned, of being his, of being under his control, under him in all ways no matter how valued I am. I need for someone besides me to be the boss, no matter how capable I am of being the boss if I need to.

I’ve written multiple blogs about this aspect. About the power exchange. I’m never very good at explaining it.

I need rules and boundaries and I need to be praised for being good and punished for being bad. I need to know someone gives a shit enough to do those things, I need to know I’m valued for the service I give instead of taken for granted as happens in many vanilla relationships. I need to know we each have our place and that we will remain in those places, steady as a rock, no matter what life throws our way.

I need to give. And I need to give and give until it hurts because only when I’ve given all I have do I appreciate what I get in return.

I need to be pushed to the limits of my endurance, brought down to the depths of misery and then lifted up again to feel cleansed and balanced and right with the world. I need the exquisite joy in knowing someone has that much power over me, that I’ve surrendered and given that much of my very self to someone.

That is the thrill of submission to me.

That’s not the answer for everyone.
Some folks just like dirty sex and spankings now and again. And that’’s ok.
Some folks just like to play power and surrender games to liven things up. And that’s ok, too.
I can’t say what makes anyone else tick, what makes this lifestyle thrilling to them.
But for me it’s the power exchange.

Every other aspect of the relationship; from day to day life to sex to play to bathing the dog revolves around the surrendering and taking of power that blankets our lives.

Oh…
And I love him. :) Beyond all the rest there is that. Pure, encompassing, absolute love.

~peace