“Does it matter if my slavery is not ‘gracious’ as long as I do what I’m told?”

So I was catching up on other people’s blogs the other day and I came across this statement by kitten over at …a subtle slavegirl (which is a phenomenal blog, btw.) I’m not really using the statement in context because the rest of the post isn’t what made the wheels in my brain turn… it was just the one little grouping of words and my thoughts went off in a totally different direction. (Or, I guess, down my own meandering path of musings and introspections)

So…

Does it matter?

Most of me wants to say no.
Realistically I realize that none of us can be gracious all the time. We can’t mindlessly obey without any type of reaction or with a good reaction every time we’re commanded to do something. Stress, exasperation, incredulous-ness and blatant unwillingness will (WILL, without a doubt) creep out at times and show in our reactions, our attitudes, our demeanor - preventing gracious, eager and willing service.
Realistically I realize that, for Taylor and I, that’s usually ok. As kaya was sort of saying the other day, it’s part and parcel of opening up and allowing him in to all aspects of who I am. I can’t be an open book for him to worm around in and memorize if I’m hiding certain facets of my personality. He can’t make good decisions if I’m, in essence, lying about how I feel when he asks me to do certain things. He needs to see the reality of me - all of me - in order for this to work properly.
And, besides, part of both of us enjoys the bitchy side of me, enjoys watching me struggle and bend, enjoys some forced surrender even when what I really want to do is spit in his eye and run like hell.

But…
(of course there’s a but, right?)

How much is too much?
There comes a point when he’s got to be thinking…
JUST DO IT. Shut up, stop whining, stop balking, shut the fuck UP and do it. Once, just once, make this easy you stupid heifer.

Yanno?

So maybe…
Maybe gracious does matter.

I mean, if I go to a restaurant I’m certainly going to be happier with a waitress who smiles and is friendly and gets me what I order without trying to convince me something else would be better, right? As opposed to a surly, inattentive, argumentative server who, none the less, got my meal, refilled my drinks and handed me a check just like the friendly one? I’m going to have a more pleasant experience with the gracious waitress, right?

Maybe it’s like that. The end results are the same but the one experience far exceeds the other.

Maybe it comes down to knowing our Owners as well as they try to know us. Knowing what times are “okay” for balking and speaking our minds more freely and what times we should just shut up and do it.

It’s something Taylor and I have been working on lately.
Do first. Just do it. And then, later, sit down and talk about it or ask my questions about it or whatever.
And I have to admit things run more smoothly that way.
And it’s really pretty easy to tell when he wants to see me struggle as opposed to wanting respectful and gracious service.

I’m finding that if I just get up and run to the store for that ice cream and a hose gasket and tell him, later, that it put me behind in my other chores he’s 1) more apt to think about it next time, to pay attention to what I’m doing when he asks and 2) happier and more pleasant to be around himself if he doesn’t feel like he had to wring the smallest service out of me.
If I take the time to really slurp his dick and get it wet instead of complaining that my jaw hurts I’m saving myself the time spent arguing - cuz he’s gonna stick it in my ass regardless and the slight pain in my jaw is going to be a lot less than the pain in my ass if he shoves it in dry - and the whole experience is going to be better because that wet dick will make a nice ass fuck for me AND him. Whining and crying about it isn’t going to get me out of the ass fuck, it’s not even going to get me out of the cock sucking most times, but it’s going to make for a miserable fuck because, really, how much fun is it for him to use his property if it’s behaving like a shrewish vanilla wife?
The end result is the same.
I get ass fucked and he gets off.
But the experience is way cooler if I’m gracious about it.

Sure, I’m still gonna ask him if he’s whacked in the head when he pulls out the sjambok. But he actually LIKES that response.
I’m still going to cry and sob and freak the hell out if he tries to blindfold me. I can’t help that. I’m terrified.
But do I really need to struggle and act graceless every time I feel put out or disinclined to do something?

Grace has it’s time and place - as does struggle and less than polite comments - and it feels pretty good to be learning just where and when that is for each of them.

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