So I was reading a blog somewhere (Some days I spend far too much time reading blogs, damn it. I blame it on the rain.) and I ran across this statement:
“If you don’t have a munch in your area, start one.”

A large part of the focus of the blog was new people attending their first munch and what to expect and what they’re actually for. It discussed those who begin online venturing out into real time.

And while I agree that starting your own munch can be a wonderful thing for like minded individuals to meet each other in an area where there may not be much other opportunity for that….

It also struck me that…
Well…

Perhaps a whole lot of what I find crazy, odd, weird and plain old wrong with the BDSM community today comes from the fact that so many internet folks have started their own real time groups.

I think we can all basically agree that a lot of things changed with the advent of the internet.
Protocols and traditions were suddenly being followed that most of us who got involved with BDSM real time to begin with had never heard of. (The collar of consideration and other, multi leveled collaring steps comes to mind) There were suddenly a LOT more people involved in the lifestyle and that meant a lot more opinions and personalities and ways of thinking were added to the mix. A lot of swingers got involved in BDSM via online or bondage rooms at swinger events and they tend to mix the “rules” of swinging and BDSM into a ruleset of their own. A lot of folks who had only read fiction or role played in a chat room were venturing into real time, dipping their toes in the water by starting their own groups and munches in their areas.

And, yanno, that’s a good thing.
Reaching out and making BDSM more accessible to everyone is great.
But it sure changed things in many ways.

We seem to no longer have those who have come up the ladder slowly running things. Those who met other lifestyle folks more slowly, who eased into a slow growing way of life as newbies amongst the more experienced in real time situations, are fewer and more far between.
It seems we now have a lot of people running things whose experience is five to eight years online then they started a new group…

Again, not bad.
Just a little different.

I don’t know if I’d ever thought about it before.

Years ago when I attended my first get togethers and whatnot…
It was a pretty tight knit community.
You weren’t welcomed with open arms and hugs all around.
You kind of eased in on the coattails of someone you knew who was known…

I dunno.

Now…
It’s just different.

Lol.
I’m too young to be pining for the good old days, ain’t I?

I guess part of me simply doesn’t like the more mainstream feel of BDSM these days. I don’t like the huge population our “community” has.
I don’t really like the whole transgender world and the swinger world and the online world and the kink world and the fetish world merging with what I’ve come to feel is “my” world after so many years.

*sigh*

Growth is normal and to be expected.
So is change.

I guess I almost feel like a parent having to go to THEIR children’s house for Thanksgiving for the first time instead of having everyone to mine.
They do things different and it’s sometimes hard to adjust.

Just a bit of rambling for today.
And now I’m done. Other than one little word of advice that may or may not be heeded by a person or two…

If you’re going to start your own group…
Attend a munch or event that’s been around awhile first.
Don’t just make it up as you go.
It really baffles us old folks when you do.

Thanks for listening.

~peace

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**EDIT** I don’t have a thing against the transgender population, kinksters, swingers, fetishists, etc. Some of my closest friends are in those groups. What I meant to imply was not a distaste for the groups but rather a dislike of so much mixing of the waters. BDSM doesn’t feel so much like BDSM to me anymore but rather like a kink pool where we’re all trying to fit under one umbrella. Mixing it up is good. But sometimes I like my own umbrella. **END EDIT**