“I feel a good submissive should be like an Italian Courtesan of the middle Ages. Loyal, obedient, subservient, and if you mistreat them they slit your throat before you have a chance to apologize.” ~Author unknown, lost or forgotten. Apologies.
Not exactly a popular sentiment, I’m sure. After all, most of those Masters and Dominants out there want us to believe that if they mistreat us, hurt us, or cause us unnecessary suffering it’s acceptable - part of the dynamic, in fact - because, hey, we agreed to this, right?
Bah.
I say bullshit.
In my reading of blogs and forums lately there seems to be this running theme. A theme of Masters changing their minds about basic, core elements of their relationship. A theme of them causing their girls a whole lot of anguish over certain elements that were never agreed upon. Or elements that certainly were agreed upon but he’s suddenly changed his mind and, well, she’s the slave. She must accept that.
Bah.
Now I’m the first to admit that things change. People change. Our wants and needs and expectations change. Our perspectives change. Even our limits expand and change. All of that is normal and healthy.
What is not healthy is shoving those changes upon someone else, forcing them to comply with things that cause them physical and emotional harm just because that person has the submissive role in the relationship.
Newsflash.
Being the Dominant person in your relationship doesn’t mean you get everything you want.
And it sickens me to see so many who think that’s exactly what it means.
M/s, D/s, Gorean, Alien, whatever…
A relationship is still a relationship.
In a relationship it is right and proper to put the well being of your partner over your own desires. EVEN when you’re the Dominant. Probably MORE so when you’re the Dominant. After all, a submissive is far more likely than a normal woman to bend until she breaks in order to please you and keep you happy. It’s your god damned job not to break her.
Now I’m not saying you Dominants should give in every time she sheds a tear. Gods, no. For a great many of us the struggle is half the thrill. The harder something is the better, many times. And if you don’t allow us to struggle now and then the entire power structure becomes skewed. We know full well that a tear will get us our way, that we actually hold all the power in our tears. And that’s fucked up. That’s not what we want. That actually makes us miserable.
But, by all that is sacred, you guys really need to figure out that being a Dominant does not make you God. Not even God in your own little world. You do not have the right to damage someone just because you want something to go your way. Or maybe you do have the right. Maybe your relationship is set up in a way that allows such a thing. Does that mean you actually have to do it?
Sometimes my heart just bleeds for some of these girls out there.
And there are a lot of throats I’d like to slit.
It’s one thing I have to say about Taylor, one area where I can give him the biggest gold star they make.
He will NOT damage me to gain something he wants. He may hurt me - and I’ll likely thank him for it. He may bend me - using every tool he has at his disposal including my basic submissive nature, my love, my need and my dependence upon him. But he won’t break me just to satisfy some whim of his.
“Submission is giving him the Power to destroy you and Trusting him not to.”
Shame on you - so many of you - for breaking that trust.
And shame on so many of you for letting them.
You have my adoration CarrieAnn. You have no idea how many times I have seen this first hand, and felt it deeper than most wound would cut. I have quit writing myself, pondering my next move, but people like you help keep me strong and at least somewhat knowledgable that i am not always in the wrong. Thank you….
October 26th, 2007 at 3:30 pmBrava, baby!
xo
October 26th, 2007 at 3:34 pmThat’s my bitchlette.
xoxo
That wasn’t lizzy who said that. It was me, see?
; O
October 26th, 2007 at 3:40 pmyeah dammit! I love that opening quote - must steal it…!
October 26th, 2007 at 6:12 pmBrava. Now if only the people who need to see this would actually see it.
October 26th, 2007 at 7:32 pmVery well said. x
October 27th, 2007 at 4:47 ami believe this is very well said and it does one like me wonders to read this. Thank you for an entry well done.
And thanks for your comment on my blog the other day; it gave me a bit of strength.
October 27th, 2007 at 9:10 amYou’re most welcome.
And thank you.
All of you, really.
It’s nice to get good comments for a change. Hehe.
October 27th, 2007 at 9:47 am{ In my reading of blogs and forums lately there seems to be this running theme. A theme of Masters changing their minds about basic, core elements of their relationship. A theme of them causing their girls a whole lot of anguish over certain elements that were never agreed upon. Or elements that certainly were agreed upon but he’s suddenly changed his mind and, well, she’s the slave. She must accept that. }
um, if the dominant wants to be self-fulfilling, wouldn’t it be ok to say that the better he treats his submissive, the more he gets out of it. so basically, it serves his purpose to be extra nice sometimes. the more you give the more you get in the d/s world, i think. i mean, the more praise you get, doesn’t that make you want to do more for him? it does me….
life is not fair. it is irrelavent WHO you are or WHAT you are. you will never, EVER get ‘everything’ you want. i have discussed this issue before. you simply cannot because what you want is conflicting and therefore unattainable. it is like being a vegetarian and eating meat.
he has fantasies. everyone does.
ok, if all his fantasies are met, what does he have to fantasize about? what gets him stimulated…fantasies.
you use your imagination and work to achieve them, but you do not…cannot.
{ Being the Dominant person in your relationship doesn’t mean you get everything you want. }
submissives are human. this is a FACT. if you think, as a dominant, you will recieve everything you desire from your submissive without having to lift a finger, let her go and go get a robot.
we are human. we have feelings and no matter how hard we may try to deny it so we can serve better, we have them and they are NOT going away. i have tried to do this. it does not work. when i figured this out, believe it or not, my relationship got better tenfold! i was happier, which made him happier. he praised me more, so i wanted to do more. i did more and he got more….
{ “Submission is giving him the Power to destroy you and Trusting him not to.” }
October 29th, 2007 at 9:34 amin the d/s world, i do not think truer words have been said. this is the very essence of d/s.