So I woke up this morning and kissed Taylor out the door. In return I got a face slap that left me vaguely cock eyed. (As in… cock… now… please…)
Turns out he gets a phone call on his way to the truck and doesn’t have to be in for another couple hours.
This, of course, sets me right out of cock eyed mode and into money worry mode and the subsequent griping, bitching and general panic induced cuntishness that comes along with it.
That lasted until I ran out of steam and, next thing ya know, I find myself prodded thru the house by my hair.
Bent over this and that, hair being tugged out by the roots, face being assaulted with the occasional smack…
And I’m STILL sort of bitching and moaning and muttering in my head about the crappy ass timing and the coffee I haven’t even sipped.
He hasn’t said a word yet, mind you.
And he’s groping and yanking and tugging and slapping at me and all of a sudden I start to bawl.
Why?
I dunno. He asked me that, too. I didn’t have an answer then, either.
I guess it all just felt so fucking impersonal.
I’m not a morning person at ALL and my rapid mood change just sort of had me reeling.
So he’s got me bent over this and that, smacking my ass and spreading my legs painfully wide and ramming his substantial dick into my internal organs, determined I taste it from the inside or something…
And my knees are being ground into the carpet, my hair breaking tearing out by the roots (or so it seemed), my uterus is calling 911 and he decides to rapidly switch from pussy to ass.
The tears are copious, the snot is running down my face, my instinct is to fight my way free and beat him over the head with something and, suddenly, he starts to talk.
And, yes, all the aches and pains were still there - as was the crappy mood - but within moments they were secondary to the arousal and keen feeling of my place, of being shown it so adamantly.
I still got up when he was done and griped about being smooshed and battered to death but inside my trembling body (and I was trembling, oddly) I was all soft and warm and squishy and totally head over heels in love with this man I would have sworn I hated half an hour ago.
Yeah.
I’m definitely a word whore.
It’s not so much that I need him to call me a whore every time we fuck or tell me how dirty I am.
I just need words to clue me into what he’s feeling inside as he does these things to me, words to point me in the right emotional direction, to put me in the headspace he wants instead of following my own crazy thoughts to the wrong place.
Words, eye contact, kisses…
These three things seem to keep my head where it should be.
I guess I need even the most impersonal use of my body to be…
Personal.
Is that what it comes down to?
A very very interesting read… something to think about.. I have struggled with a similar thing, I discovered the impersonal fantasies I had don’t translate well into a real relationship. I need something, something tangible, words usually, because anything else would break the mood, something to clue me in as to how he’s feeling. Great post, thanks.
milla xx
November 17th, 2007 at 4:55 pmI understand this need for a personal touch very much. When I am truly objectified to a large degree I feel harmed rather than liberated though I always thought the opposite would be true. I need words, also. I need to know what’s going on, is the force “real” or is it just the setting. (I don’t know if that makes sense.) I, too, need the objectification to have a personal touch.
November 17th, 2007 at 6:35 pmI agree, I realized that I truly need him to talk to me, otherwise I lose the headspace and start drifting into stupid areas in my brain.
November 18th, 2007 at 5:49 pmI finally opened my mouth Friday night, and said “uh Babe, could you like talk to me! Like tell me stuff” That for me was a major accomplishment, something he’s been bitching about for years, it’s so hard for me to actually MAKE-WORDS-COME-OUT-OF-MY-MOUTH! (Sorry, not yelling, just emphasizing.) Anyway, then I had to clarify what I wanted him to say. Oh my, that took more alcohol, and another hour. He’s not stupid, just gun shy from my vascilliation on our “dynamic”.
Great words as always.
KnkyPet
Just stopped by to say i so need to get back here to read……and to wish a very happy and safe Thanksgiving to you and yours!!!!!
hugs
November 20th, 2007 at 9:36 pmI’m sort of like that, too. I need to know where He wants me to be mentally and without hearing His voice I’m stuck in this “Am I supposed to be enjoying this? I won’t until He says so.” mindset.
November 27th, 2007 at 8:56 amlets get a personas going here
December 19th, 2007 at 1:34 am