I’ve been reminded once again how much I loathe the word “true” as it’s so often used in D/s circles.

“She’s obviously not a true submissive.”

“True Dominance requires this, that and the other thing.”

“If you were a true Master…”

“A true slave must…”

Etc. Etc. Et-freaking-cetera.

What the hell defines a true submissive/slave/master/dominant anyhow? Is there a rulebook that I missed? A universal definition? One way we must all conform to?

Of course there isn’t.

The BDSM world preaches and harps upon diversity and tolerance.

How, then, could there be a true way?

Oh, sure, we all have our opinions.

I’ll be the first to admit I’ve often looked at other submissives and thought to myself “she’s not very submissive, is she?” or “Submissive my ass. She’s just a brat looking for attention!” Or blinked confusedly at a dominant while thinking “what a pussy he is! I’d run roughshod over him in no time!”

We all judge those around us by our private standards. That’s normal. Natural.

But even with these private assessments of others floating around in our heads most of us don’t force those opinions upon others. We understand that there are many, many different types of people and many, many different ways to do these things we do.

We may not like how others do things, may not agree with the labels others give themselves and their relationships, but we understand that disagreeing doesn’t make our way “true” and theirs…   less than.

And then in strolls someone who does use that word. Who does believe there is a true way, a true type of dominant or submissive or slave or master or masochist or sadist. Someone who just can’t conceive of how insulting that is to nearly everyone else.

I’ve said it time and again.

In order for there to be “true Dominance” those who do it differently have to be false. Or less than true.

If a “true submissive” must do this, that or the other thing than you’re, in essence, saying anyone who doesn’t is false. Fake. Not a “real” submissive.

Is there anything more insulting than this?

Most times I don’t allow it to insult me. It’s generally a faux pas of newbies or onliners. I know that, eventually, they’ll learn. (They must since I so rarely hear these words from anyone with a modicum of experience) But every once in awhile someone aggravates the hell out of me with this attitude - usually when their entire argument is based upon these definitions of real or true.

At this point I feel the need to step up on my soapbox and let them know they’re being priggish, intolerant little twits and their attitude is unlikely to garner the respect of anyone they’re speaking to.

There is no true way.

There is no such thing as a true submissive.

No such thing as true dominance.

No true masters or true slaves.

And every time you use those words the message you’re conveying is that your way is true and anyone else’s is false. Even if that’s not what you mean, it’s how the words are taken and you’re sure to insult somebody.

You cannot win an argument based upon your ideas of true this or true that. Those things exist only in your mind and are not valid to the rest of us.

Honestly.

Words like “true slave” or “true Mastery” invalidate your entire opinion - because those things do not exist anywhere but in your own head.

Your version of true is meaningless to the rest of us.

The only truth there is is that we’re all different and cannot be stamped with one, “true” definition.