A Question!
pinkroses521 said, “…you mentioned one time in another post that Taylor was bipolar and not on medication for it. I’m justing wondering why he doesn’t take meds for it.”
Oy. I’ve been struggling with this most of the weekend. Taylor’s bipolar disorder is one of the things I don’t talk about often. It seems every time I do I get the inevitable emails and comments informing me that, having bpd and being unmedicated, he can’t possibly be in control of me and our relationship.
Well, I asked for questions and it felt very wrong to ignore the one I got so I’m going to start out by immediately stating that the above mentioned opinion is bunk.
That being said…
Yes, Taylor is bipolar. And, no, he doesn’t take any medications.
Years ago, before he was diagnosed, he was quite the horror. Not understanding why he would feel and do things made it really hard to control.
After he was diagnosed it began to make a bit more sense, began to be easier for him to spot the mood swings for what they were and deal with them more appropriately.
He did try medication for awhile but seriously hated the way it made him feel.
When we moved in together he stopped taking it.
I can’t say living with someone who is bipolar is ever easy. It’s often not. I can’t say I’ve never wished he would take the meds. I have. With every fiber of my being I’ve occasionally wished he’d just take the fucking things.
But, for the most part, he really doesn’t need them.
He rapid cycles - which means he goes from mania to depression very quickly - sometimes a few times a day. But since we’ve been together he also doesn’t hit the very extreme highs and lows anymore.
Having a stable life and a sense of routine goes a long way toward stabilizing those moods, I believe.
When he was in less stable relationships, when he was in an environment that was less stable, HE was less stable. He would swing from violence to severe blue funks. These days, the swings are far less extreme.
It probably helps that I have a background in psych. (I’m a psych tech) I’ve worked with everything from kids to eating disorder patients to obsessive compulsives to older dementia patients. You name it, I’ve done it. My favorite job was in a psych ward that was almost exclusively police holds. Violent, whacked out folks who were a danger to themselves and society. A very, very high population of bipolar folks there.
It helps, as well, that I’m extremely perceptive and empathetic when I allow myself to be. (I have quite the wall built up around my empath side to prevent being overwhelmed by everyone else’s emotions on a daily basis, which was the story of my childhood)
It helps that I see his mood swings for what they are and rarely take them personally anymore.
That’s one of the biggest problems bipolar folks have. They do things for no reason other than the end of the swing they’re on and the people around them get hurt by what they do. They take it personally, feel they’re to blame or that the bipolar person is intentionally doing bad things. I don’t have that problem most times. Occasionally I find myself hurt by something Taylor has said or done but most of the time I fully understand that it’s NOT personal.
If he’s tossing stuff around his desk and hollering about nothing…
I know it’s just the bipolar and not anything I’ve done.
If he’s just sort of blue and quiet, wrapped up in games or his forum and not very interested in me or what’s going on at home…
It’s not me. It’s the bipolar. And learning not to be hurt by that has gone a long way toward us having a smooth relationship.
Part of my “job” as his submissive is to keep him aware of his moods. (Bipolars often don’t recognize that they’re manic or depressed or acting out of the ordinary) I can’t control his moods or his actions but HE can if they’re pointed out to him. Sort of. He can at least recognize what’s going on and make decisions based upon knowledge rather than emotion.
I’ve learned if he’s acting crabby or angry or even enraged for what seems to be no reason…
It’s best to just leave him be.
You can’t argue with or get insulted by or be hurt by someone whose mood and actions have no real reason. You just make it worse for yourself - and make the episode last longer - if you react to it. I let his anger or other highly charged emotions burn themselves out without any sort of reaction that would feed them.
Not always easy but it works for us.
We’re lucky in that he’s not violent or prone to suicidal depressions. (He may rage about murdering the post man but he doesn’t actually do it. Heh)
Consistency is a problem for us. D/s requires a lot of it and I’ve had to adjust some of my expectations and actions because it’s hard for him to remain consistent. *I* have to be consistent and not rely upon him to *make me* follow rules. He’s not going to but he IS going to get mad when I don’t and then shit starts to fall apart. Makes for a bit of an extra struggle and took some time (and drama) to adjust to but, after so many years, it works for us.
Really, what it’s come down to for us, is totally honest communication and adjusting some expectations to compensate for the bipolar.
We have to be aware of what’s going on at all times. We can’t get lazy and just let stuff flow without looking at it closely or we’ll end up surprised by some weird reaction down the road.
We have to really talk and make sure the other person is hearing us and not reacting to a mood or an unintentional hurt.
I have to occasionally let him make mistakes caused by the bipolar and learn from them rather than trying to wrench control back when I see him flailing around a bit. I have to be willing and able to step up and say, “whoa, dude, are you sure????????” and he has be be willing and able to step back and say “I dunno, let me think a minute” rather than feeling like I”m being disobedient or trying to top from the bottom.
It’s a seesaw, it’s a constant wrestle with balance but we’ve got it down so well it’s simply part of who and what we are these days rather than a huge issue.
Occasionally it causes problems but most times it’s just… our norm.
All that being said…
I don’t think this would work for Taylor and anyone else. I don’t recommend this course of action for most people.
For some reason, us together, as a team, manage this.
That is NOT the norm.
Please don’t anyone take this as advocacy of not taking medications.
Medications are a bipolar person’s best friend.
If Taylor would take them we’d struggle less.
Because he won’t we’ve learned to manage and even thrive but it’s much, much harder.
Which, in all honesty, suits me fine.
I thrive on bumps in the road. I really do.
Anyhow..
Hope this answered the question ok. If it created more, feel free to ask. I haven’t even proof read this so for all I know it could be a major, nonsensical babble. 
