So, yeah, I’ve been jabbering about patience and this itch lately. Not the itchy back (though that STILL itches like a bitch in heat) but the itch for… something. Something more.
And, yanno, I think I had a Eureka! minute today.
I think my patience is holding out so well because I’m in a spot where I don’t even know what the “more” I want is.
I mean…
I want him to haul my by my hair and toss me to the floor. And yet I want him to tenderly stroke my face and run his hands thru my hair. I want him to twist my nipples nearly off my tits and yet I want him to kiss me slow and soft and breathless. I want snuggles. I want pain. I want tenderness. I want brutality. I want humiliation and I want loving softness.
We’ve been so busy, I think, there just hasn’t been time or energy for much of anything personal. And so my neediness has no focus. I want… a smörgåsbord!
The problem?
I know… know… that when I get like this - even though I’ve been patient and not cuntish about it - it makes it hard for him. Anything he tries to do just isn’t quite “it” at the moment. It never fails that when he tries to twist my nipples off at that moment I was wanting a snuggle. Yanno? So it feels all kinds of off in my head. Which leaves me responding less than enthusiastically which has him often going.. eh… fuck it then…. and leaving me to wallow in my need.
So the solution?
Accept what he chooses to do, whatever that may be, whatever direction it goes… and enjoy it. Should be simple but my brain often fucks with me there. So I have to keep a foot on my brain, hold it’s wayward thoughts down and just enjoy what comes next.
Because if I stop worrying about what I think I need in the moment and just take what he’s giving me with a bit of grace…
I’ll likely find he read my needs better than my own stupid head did!
Right?
Right.
So…
Eureka!
Yes, I know it so well, we need it both… tenderness and rough treatment. It takes two to tango and I have accepted that me and Master may not be perfectly synchronized all the time (although we surprisingly often are). It’s the kind of dynamic which make a relationship like this even more exciting.
Take care,
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:40 amtina of Sweden
me again…
i totally applaud your enlightenment
you know as well as i do that semantics are endless, right?
ok, that said, whenever something has been done for you it not only needs to be recognized, it needs praise (of some sort). it is up to you to determine ‘what’ that praise is depending on the factors involved. as far as taylor goes, you know him better than anyone. you also are a good people reader. read him. it is not wrong to do that. it should be done with the intention of positive reinforcement to the relationship; to help validate him and his efforts. see what it is that he needs and give it to him.
i wanna pose a few questions. i do not want answers. i want you to answer to/for yourself.
he is a person who craves positive reinforcement, yet he will deny it if it is given usually.
he wants his ego stroked, but will never ask for it.
if he finds out you have been patronizing him, he will come after you weapon in hand?
now i will bring back that semantics statement i made at the beginning of this post. you can tack any meaning to any word that you want to and make it sound totally reasonalbe and plausable. this is usually done in relation to your emotion at the time. this is where things become sticky and can lead to arguments.
greg and i have a standing joke. when he used to do the dishes for me, i would thank him and give him a big hug and kiss for it. the next day when he went to work i would redo the dishes because he was unable to get the dishes CLEAN. he got them DONE. big difference. after a while, he figured out what i was doing and luckily he was in a good mood and laughed at me. now, he will just ask me, if i do these, you are gonna redo them aren’t you. i usually just giggle or grin. he smiles and we go do something else.
my point in that was: appreciate WHAT is done, not the quality of it. give praise for it no matter what. it is the effort itself that you require, is it not? if you praise the effort you will most likely receive more of it. this makes everyone happy. it is a win-win situation. i do not mean for you to go to an extreme which would make it more of a mockery. i know you know that.
i know that mine is basically a little kid at heart and sometimes you need to cater to that little kid. NOT patronize, but a figurative ruffle of his hair and “good job!” would do wonders. humans, by nature crave praise. it is something that drives us to continue doing whatever it was that got that praise in the first place.
most people do not even know it let alone acknowledge it.
there are MANY facets to a person.
you must recognize, acknowledge and give each facet its specific need.
sometimes you need to tell him he is the biggest badass around.
sometimes you need to tell him he is the sexy stud of the block.
sometimes you need to tell him that showing an emotion is NOT bad.
you get the idea…
they need re-enforcement just like we do. we just have to approach it from another angle. no matter what anyone says, men and women are NOT!!!!!!!! equal. we are genetically different. we are wired different. we have different equipment….
one gender is no BETTER than the other, but we are not the same.
i have yet to find a man who does not wanna curl up on his girls lap. there is a part of a man that will undoubtedly always be there…the boy. it may be on the back burner most of the time and not allowed to come out and play, but he is always there waiting for his opportunity.
ever see a grown man get in a squirt-gun fight with another man? it is funny as hell!! if you try, you may be albe to envision them twenty, thirty years ago as neighbor kids running around playing, dodging each other, ducking behind trees and peeking out only to get nailed in the face with a water stream…
how can you NOT smile at that??
(sigh)
ok - i kind of went off there.
i guess my point of this is that you need to address ALL parts of him, not just what he lets you know he needs.
just like we women do.
he may not even know he needs it..let alone admit that he needs it.
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:46 amMaybe that’s what my problem…. thanks, I think.
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:06 pm“We’ve been so busy, I think, there just hasn’t been time or energy for much of anything personal. And so my neediness has no focus. I want… a smörgåsbord!
The problem?
I know… know… that when I get like this - even though I’ve been patient and not cuntish about it - it makes it hard for him. Anything he tries to do just isn’t quite “it” at the moment. It never fails that when he tries to twist my nipples off at that moment I was wanting a snuggle.”
Oh good grief! Thank you for sharing your eureka moment…literally. I’ve absolutely had those moments and had no end to the confusion and frustration that it caused me. Woohoo for lightbulb moments!
btw…I wandered in from kaya’s journal.
July 13th, 2008 at 2:58 pmGlad you stopped by!
I think we all have those moments.
Good as this stuff we do is it’s still a human life choice and we have all too many human moments.
I just love that there are so many out there who “get it” and we have the opportunity to share our moments.
Carrie
July 13th, 2008 at 3:30 pm